how can someone inconsistent mess up so consistently
at a restaurant while u high like
"can i order this"
"would you like a soup or a salad?"
"WHATS A SUPER SALAD"
EVERY TIME DAMMIT
my physics teacher told us a joke today
three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
A CIGARETTE LIGHTER
OH MY GOD I CAN’T BREATHE
what if she’s not wearing underwear
well then the watch is magic were u not listening
THE HUMANS DO IT ALL THE TIME, IT MEANS YOU’RE A GOOD BOY
tried to explain to the seven year old i babysit that being immortal would actually be awful because eventually everyone you know would die and you would be alone and he was like “good”
|—||Cornelia Funke (via larmoyante)|
out of gas, out of road, out of car i don’t know how i’m gonna go and
i had a drink the other day opinions were like kittens i was givin them away
i had a drink the other day, i had a lot to say
and i said: “you will come down soon too, you will come down too soon”
Oh, this is the best thing I have ever seen.